SPACEBALLS + the first 7 page rough draft

[Andy]

I've never written a script before but I have been studying so here's my attempt. Take a look and give me your thoughts or any pointers..



SPACEBALLS PLUS

Written by: Jorge J. Abrerry

Based on characters created by: Mel Brooks

DRAFT August 2020 EDITION




Once upon a parody..


FADE IN:

At the end of the last movie, the evil leaders of Planet Spaceball were thwarted off by the likes of Lonestar so that our heroes were thought to have married and lived happily ever after.

However Lonestar turned out to not be a prince. Thus, Vespa instead decided to stay single since she couldn't marry him.

Meanwhile, Yogurt has disappeared while rumor has it that a new mysterious noob side of the Schwartz has awakened and it's about to wreak havoc with it's new not so secret weapon, the Mega-Maid 2...

If you can read this, you have high speed and don't need to wait for the buffering....

FADE OUT:

FADE IN:

Buffering circle graphic

FADE OUT:

FADE IN:

"SPACEBALLS PLUS"

PARTS 2, 3, & -1

A New Continue Begins...

FADE OUT:

EXT. SPACEBALL 2 - SPACE SPACEBALL 2

SPACEBALL 2 suddenly appears hurtling past us while coming out of hyper speed. The ship skips again through hyper speed to avoid crashing into planet Junka and leaves an impressive skidmark trail made of fire reminiscent of BACK TO THE FUTURE. We see the end of the ship which has a bumper sticker that reads, "MAKE THE SCHWARTZ GREAT AGAIN!"

CUT TO BLACK.



EXT. JUNKA VILLAGE - NIGHT

WIDE SHOT of a small, peaceful village. Distant sounds of owls whooping and cows mooing. Suddenly a BEACHBALL that sounds mechanical RISES INTO FRAME, CLOSE: ROUND, multicolored and white, has a digital face with :-) on it, this is BB-STORAGE-UNIT, called BLEEP for short. Buffers then focuses on something past camera. He BLEEPS -- A SHORT SENTENCE, BLEEPED CURSE WORD-LIKE SOUNDS. Moves EVEN CLOSER TO CAMERA -- is MORE annoyed -- BLEEPS more -- then TURNS AND ROLLS OFF FAST --

INT. VILLAGE HUT - NIGHT

In a primitive HUT, an old explorer, LOAD OF MECCA, (looks like Tom Hanks from CASTAWAY) hands a mysterious sack to SCHMOE DAMNIT (looks like Marty McFly, in Jean jacket, complimented with a down vest).

SCHMOE DAMNIT

Damn you're old, didn't you fight in the Silicone Wars?

LOAD OF MECCA

Why yes but that's a story for another time. This will begin to explain the plot of this movie. There's a new menace to the Galaxy and they have a ship called SPACEBALL 2 that of course also transforms into MEGAMAID 2. This code will infect the motherbrain of the ship and corrupt it from it's transformation.

SCHMOE DAMNIT

(Reveals code on sticky note -- ^^vv<><>ABAB SELECT START) I see, like the plot of AIRPLANE 2 THE SEQUEL. Well, because of you now we have a chance to start a sequel of our own..and possibly start a franchise.

LOAD OF MECCA

Or end it quickly before it even starts. What's with the vest? The 80's didn't age very well but they were right, it does look a life preserver. You didn't jump ship did ya?

SCHMOE DAMNIT

I am afraid of drowning but it's nothing like that. See nostalgia is the new money and we are out to make a sequel, premake, remake, light reboot, or whatever this movie is, right?! Only seemed fitting!

LOAD OF MECCA

So that's it, we're using nostalgia to bring back the Schwartz.

SCHMOE DAMNIT

I guess so..

Both characters look directly at front camera.

SCHMOE DAMNIT

Who'd a thunk it?!

Both schrug



INT. SPACEBALL 2 - SPACE

GENERAL HOGWASH is getting directing orders from a mysterious cloaked figure whom is chewing out GENERAL HOGWASH about getting plans to stop the destruction of MEGAMAID 2

MYSTERIOUS VOICE

We know they have the blueprints for the destruction of SPACEBALL 2

GENERAL HOGWASH

We won't allow that Sir, we will transform the ship into MEGAMAID 2 before that happens

MYSTERIOUS VOICE

They already know about MEGAMAID 2 and have the plans to stop her

GENERAL HOGWASH

How do they know about MEGAMAID 2 already? The movie just started Sir

MYSTERIOUS VOICE

That's already pretty much a given, it's not really a spoiler if you've already watched the first SPACEBALLS. It's plot already dictated that and now the stakes have to be much higher!

MYSTERIOUS VOICE (CONT)

GENERAL HOGWASH, We must not let anything stop us from sucking out the air from every planet

GENERAL HOGWASH

FINAL BOSS...Sir..The first DORK ORDER will not fail you

FINAL BOSS

Do not call me that HOGWASH, then people will know that KINDA MEH is not the main villain. We can't spoil that untill the end. Just call me CLOAK from now on

GENERAL HOGWASH

Yes, FINAL BOSS CLOAK, KINDA MEH and CAPTAIN FAUX PAS are heading down to PLANET JUNKA now, we will retrieve the plans and stop the destruction of Megamaid 2.

CLOAK

HOGWASH, you're an idiot. It's CLOAK and I will deal with you later. Patch me through to KIND OF MEH

CUT TO:

EXT SPACEBALL 2 - SPACE

Small ships that look like dunce caps emerge from SPACEBALL 2, flying towards PLANET JUNKA.

INT DUNCE CAP 1

CLOAK

LOAD OF MECCA and his INDEPENDENT SQUAD are trying to stop us from our destiny to take over the galaxy.

KINDA MEH

The plans are as good as ours and when we are through here I'm going to scour the universe in search of more nostalgia because the second MEGAMAID isn't enough to bring more SCHWARTZ towards the franchise.

CLOAK

Find him and get the plans. Don't get caught up in searching for Nostalgia.

KINDA MEH

As you wish my Lord.

CLOAK

This movie has a similar story to the first one but we have new characters so it's different and we don't need nostalgia to make more money. The mere mention of a sequel finally getting made will be enough to create the buzz we need

KINDA MEH

Yes FINAL BOSS, The first DORK ORDER can't stand to lose and neither do I

CLOAK

Not again, it's just CLOAK. There is no need to refer to me as FINAL BOSS until the end of the movie.

KINDA MEH

(To CAPTAIN FAUX PAS) I'm not really concerned about the McGuffin, I am going to find the whereabouts of YOGURT

CAPTAIN FAUX PAS

Didn't he go back in time or something because he ticked off Lonestar when he found he was not really a Prince?

KINDA MEH

Something like that but the audience doesn't know that yet. Anyways, the FINAL BOSS can have the plans and that precious air from every planet but I want the ring that LONESTAR dropped down onto the grate

CAPTAIN FAUX PAS

But didn't LONESTAR have the ring again at the end while piloting the EAGLE 5?

KINDA MEH

It doesn't matter, it's a blooper that they missed and that's not a continuity error that anyone is looking for.

CAPTAIN FAUX PAS

So the fact that YOGURT said it was a worthless prize from a box of Cracker Jacks means nothing to you?

KINDA MEH

With great nostalgia comes marketability

CAPTAIN FAUX PAS

We're not going to be running around chasing stupid objects for 2 hours in this movie are we?

KINDA MEH pulls a picture out of his pocket. It's a picture of himself with BILL PULLMAN, but KINDA MEH is disappearing in the photo.

[Andy]

SPACEBALLS: the December draft



"SPACEBALLS PLUS"




WRITTEN by: Jorge J. Abrerry




Based on characters created by: Mel Brooks




ROUGH DRAFT December 2020 EDITION:

FADE IN:

At the end of the last movie, the evil leaders of Planet Spaceball were thwarted off by the likes of Lonestar, then our heroes were thought to have married and lived happily ever after.

However, Lonestar & Vespa didn't marry because he turned out not to be a prince. Since then, Barf sacrificed himself to save Planet Mawg and now Lonestar has went into self isolation.

But also, the apes locked away the Spaceballs in the fandom zone for over 30 yrs but a new menacing force has arrived and the search for the return of the Schwartz begins!

If you can read this, you have high speed and don't need to wait for the buffering....

FADE OUT:

FADE IN:

(Buffering circle graphic appears)

FADE OUT:

FADE IN:




SPACEBALLS+

PARTS 2, 3, & -1

A New Continue Begins...

FADE OUT:

EXT. MEGAMAID'S BREASTS MODIFIED INTO A SPACESHIP. IT IS IDLING AROUND THE MOON OF VEGA.

INT. SPACEBREASTS 1 -

GENERAL HOGWASH (looks like the kid from spy kids all grown up) is taking orders from a holographic mysterious cloaked figure with a deep raspy voice.

GENERAL HOGWASH

Sir we are approaching the location of the asset now, shall we proceed?

LORD BADGUY

No you are to stay put. I'm sending Captain Faux Pas and Bent Helmet.

HOGWASH waves his hand through the hologram, causing it to flicker.

LORD BADGUY

Stop that now!

GENERAL HOGWASH

Awe is the whittle hologwam upset? Him don't wike flickering does him?

LORD BADGUY

You don't have Schwartz-lightning propellant, do you? Want to find out how hard a whittle hologwam can zap you?

GENERAL HOGWASH takes his hand out of the hologram

GENERAL HOGWASH

If you are so powerful then why do you have to send Tweedle Dumb and Tweedle Dumber to retrieve a simple ring

LORD BADGUY

Because we need that ring to find YOGURT!

GENERAL HOGWASH

So let me get this straight, LONESTAR dropped the ring down a grate in the last movie and even though he had a ring on towards the end.. you think there's some way you'll find YOGURT if you find this ring?

LORD BADGUY

Exactly!

GENERAL HOGWASH

Why don't you just go get LONESTAR and the actual ring?

LORD BADGUY

Can't. We tried that. Still couldn't find YOGURT. LONESTAR doesn't want to be found anymore either!


GENERAL HOGWASH

Why do we need YOGURT?

LORD BADGUY

This is the way.

or anyway to piece the MEGAMAID back together.




GENERAL HOGWASH

Wasn't LONESTAR's Schwartz ring just a blooper or editing mistake?




LORD BADGUY

It was a blooper but it became a plothole and aren't all sequels meant to correct plotholes while creating new ones for spinoffs and whatnot?!

GENERAL HOGWASH

Can we at least call her SUPER-MEGAMAID instead of MEGAMAID 2?

LORD BADGUY

Anything to make the plot bigger, badder, and more spoofier

PANS TOWARDS THE MOON OF VEGA, slowly closing in on a village

INT. VILLAGE HUT - NIGHT

CLOSE ON A HAND: a small pouch is placed in the palm. The hand closes. Another hand covers it. Inside the hut an old explorer, LOAD OF MECCA, (who looks like Tom Hanks from CASTAWAY) has handed the mysterious sack to SCHMOE DAMNIT (he looks like MARTY MCFLY crossed with a Hobbit). SCHMOE is a smart ass, he even looks like one:


LOAD OF MECCA

This will begin to move the plot along

SCHMOE DAMNIT

So this is it huh? They're really going to go with the ring as a plot device!

LOAD OF MECCA

Nostalgia. It's the new money.

SCHMOE DAMNIT

Are they calling this one SPACEBALLS 2: the search for more money or is it the search for more nostalgia

LOAD OF MECCA

No no they almost called it SPACEBALLS 3: the search for SPACEBALLS 2: the search for more money.

SCHMOE DAMNIT

I'm surprised they didn't call it SPACEBALLS: the Schwartz Awakens and Rises at Last

LOAD OF MECCA

No but the critics would've love that.

SCHMOE DAMNIT

Ooo I got it, Spaceballs: Raiders of the Lost Sequel or better yet Back to the SPACEBALLS: Attack of the Prequel.

LOAD OF MECCA

No son, they had it in the opening crawl.

SCHMOE DAMNIT

I onow. I know. SPACEBALLS Rebooted: Enter the Spaceballs.

LOAD OF MECCA

Shouldn't they be here by now.

SCHMOE DAMNIT

SPACEBALLS: The Wrath of Continuity.

LOAD OF MECCA

They can fly clear across the entire universe in a matter of hours in Star wars and Star Trek and yet we have time for a whole conversation before they can enter our atmospheree. They should have been here long by now.

SCHMOE DAMNIT

SPACEBALLS: Revenge of the Lost Sequel?

LOAD OF MECCA

No! Damn it, it's just called Spaceballs Plus which was clearly in the opening crawl.

SCHMOE DAMNIT

SPACEBALLS: Days of Future Retcon.

LOAD OF MECCA.

Nope, what's a Retcon?

SCHMOE DAMNIT

SPACEBALLS 2: Schwartz Boogaloo

LOAD OF MECCA

No, but maybe that can be the next one!

SCHMOE DAMNIT

SPACEBALLS 2: Swartz harder!

LOAD OF MECCA

We're already Schwartzing, how can we Schwartz any harder?

SCHMOE DAMNIT

SPACEBALLS Eleventeen Times Infinity: The Hope for a Franchise!

LOAD OF MECCA

Good grief son. It's just called SPACEBALLS plus. Take this ring and let them take you up on their ship. Then you're going to upload a virus into their ship and stop them from ever finding LONESTAR or the rest of MEGAMAID

SCHMOE DAMNIT

So like the plot of Independence day.

LOAD OF MECCA

Only you're going to send them into the sun.

SCHMOE DAMNIT

So like airplane two!?

LOAD OF MECCA

You ask alot of questions son. What is it with you?

SCHMOE DAMNIT

Dude you're pretty old, didn't you fight in the silicone wars.

LOAD OF MECCA

(Cups his hand over his own face) Yes, but that's another lose thread to come back to at another time. Why aren't the new order of SPACEBALLS here yet?

[Andy]

"SPACEBALLS 3: the Search for Spaceballs 2"

WRITTEN by: Jorge J. Abrerry

BASED ON CHARACTERS CREATED BY: MEL BROOKS

ROUGH DRAFT June 2021 EDITION:

FADE IN:

Once upon a time and sometime past quarantine, there was a story that needed to be told.

Let's be real, after all the latest Hollywood sci-fi reboots, sequels, and whatnot...there was just so much spoof that needed to be spoofed.

Fans wanted it but writers had no idea how to write it.

So one day some guy sitting in his garage had a really bright idea that maybe he could just write it and let the professionals make it a little bit spoofier!

Anyways the spoof had finally been summoned forth and a script had finally been written.

FADE IN:

Also, if you read all of this then we couldn't find an emoji that says you can take off your 3D glasses now...

FADE OUT:

CUT TO BLACK.

SUPER: THE PLOT

A dark cloaked figure stands in frame with it's back towards camera. Light illuminates from in front of the figure.

[SOUNDS OF A STAR SHIP SPEEDING BY, SHOOTING, THEN CRASHING][TRUMPET SONG PLAYS]

Camera zooms in on the cloaked figure's face. It's MICHAEL WINSLOW dressed in Jedi garb.

[MICHAEL'S VOICE SOUNDING LIKE IT'S COMING FROM INSIDE THE VIDEO GAME HE'S PLAYING] GREETINGS, STARFIGHTER. YOU HAVE BEEN RECRUITED BY THE STAR LEAGUE TO DEFEND THE FRONTIER AGAINST..

MICHAEL gets interrupted. It's MEL BROOKS.

MEL BROOKS

MICHAEL, those aren't the bleeps, the sweeps, or the creeps we were looking for.

MICHAEL WINSLOW

Sorry sir, how about this take.

Starts mimicking HUEY LEWIS's "Back in Time"

MEL BROOKS

Woah... We're in search of more money. Do you know how much we stand to lose in royalties if you do that song?

MICHAEL WINSLOW makes the sound of a lightsaber shutting off and then also Pacman dying.

MEL BROOKS

You're very special kid. We're going to find that place you belong to.

RICK MORANIS walks in plain clothed.

RICK MORANIS
Are we going to just make this up on the fly or is there any actual plot to this movie?

MEL BROOKS

(Winks at camera) Sound familiar? That's Hollywood these days.

MICHAEL WINSLOW walks off revealing that he had been playing SPACEBALLS: the video game. A pixelated SPACEBALLS-1 is floating across the screen.

RICK and MEL look at each other then look at the game.

RICK MORANIS

Where's he going?

MEL BROOKS

I dunno but I'm going to have the new high score and become the chosen one.

RICK MORANIS

Lemme have a crack at it, I know a cheat code.

(RICK takes over and enters the following code while sounding it out loud.)

Down, Up, Left, Left, A, Right, Down.

MEL BROOKS

You just entered DULLARD.

RICK MORANIS

I know, it's an old code that unlocks a bunch of stuff. Just thought I could bi-pass the censorship.

MEL BROOKS

No need for that. I know you retired from acting but nowadays we go ahead and include that into home media release.

RICK MORANIS

I get it. More bang for the buck. Emphasis on bucks!

MEL BROOKS

It's a movie RICK What else did you expect!?

There's more. We then release the 6 hour director's fudge it version as another release later on down the line.

RICK MORANIS

Ok sweet I guess we'll milk this movie for all it's worth then.

MEL BROOKS

I really want to take it even farther and go out into "other future projects." (Winks with fingers during quotations)

MICHAEL WINSLOW walks back into frame dressed as a Borg from Star Trek.

MICHAEL WINSLOW

Come with me if you want to live... In the SPACEBALLS shared universe.

RICK and MEL look at each other again then shrug.

RICK MORANIS

I can't believe I came back into acting for this.

MEL BROOKS

I can't believe I'm directing this. I guess this is the way to tell a story nowadays. C'MON let's go find us a movie.

MICHAEL WINSLOW makes dissolution noises/time travel warp noises and the screen fades while all characters walk off.

INT CARNIVAL TRAILER - EVENING -STORMY WEATHER

DARK HELMET and PRESIDENT SKROOB are looking through a smoke filled crystal ball.

SKROOB

Alot's went on since we previously spoofed together. LONESTAR never went on legally to marry PRINCESS VESPA.

DARK HELMET

Wait, when didn't that happen?

Crystal ball flashes animated SPACEBALLS-1 still going across the screen.

SKROOB

In my shitty attempt at an animated series which by the way, you wouldn't even star in. I should've upped the censors on that one!

DARK HELMET

Well This is just your shitty attempt at referencing Wizard of Oz. So why didn't they get married?

SKROOB

Technically LONESTAR is a son of a King, making him a Prince but his King father is actually from the future, so it basically cancels out!

DARK HELMET

Well that doesn't make sense, how is his father from the future?

SKROOB

Something about red matter. It hardly makes sense. But also because we travel in time and mess up the past to work for our future.

DARK HELMET

And so how do we do that?

SKROOB

Ever been interested in going through time or go as far as enter a contract to allow Me to scan your head and use your voice recording for "future projects?"

DARK HELMET

Will I still get paid?

SKROOB

Of course! If not your kids will. So ever heard of the Quantum SCHWARTZ realm or do you understand Quantum SCHWARTZ Physics?

DARK HELMET

Then yes and yes but can we please just use a Time Machine? And tell me I'm not going to end up naked!

SKROOB

Maybe in an unrated edit. For now we suit up and Honey, I think it's time we shrink ourselves!

DARK HELMET

Not again! Can't we use simple movie magic already. I heard CGI has come along way!?

Both use SCHWARTZ rings and don new white, black, and red suits with facemasks. Both shrink then dematerialize and start to enter on through the Quantum SCHWARTZ Realm.

DARK HELMET

(Lifts facemask)

Wait this is just way too convoluted. I'm surprised there's no Schwartz Gauntlet.

SKROOB

Don't rule that out just yet. We've got a lot of spoofing to do.

DARK HELMET

Let me guess, there's another big bad end boss that we don't know about yet.

SKROOB

Well, LONESTAR did drop his ring down the drain in the original movie.

DARK HELMET

So does that mean..?

SKROOB

Yeah, it means I can come back sometime and tie up that loose end even if we have to do it in a spin-off series!

DARK HELMET

Ah more money! Please tell me this is going to be epic but not going to just end up as SCHWARTZ End-game!

SKROOB

No sir! If that were to happen we'd call it Schwartzmageddon!

DARK HELMET

Can't we just loom around and plot to steal more air.

SKROOB

More air than ever before!

DARK HELMET

Well wouldn't that keep the plot simple?! Who'duthunkit!!

SKROOB

That's it then, we're off to steal more air. End simulation and beam us up SNOTTY!

Simulation ends revealing that SKROOB and DARK HELMET are in the holodeck of a new ship bombarding through space.

SUPER: THE HOLODORKS

SKROOB walks onto beaming pod. DARK HELMET looks at SKROOB suspiciously.

SKROOB

What?! It's safe.

DARK HELMET

I just don't want to end up with my head on backwards.

SKROOB

No no! You'll be just fine. Even if you show up with your head up your ass, we'll fix it with CGI in post and use it for the blooper reel later on.

DARK HELMET

Well if you say so, what the hell. I'll take a shot at it.

DARK HELMET steps into beaming pod

Wait, can't we just walk through the door?

SKROOB

Oh yeah I guess we can, we should just do that!

(Talks through wristwatch) SNOTTY, 86 that beaming up. Open the holodeck doors instead.

Holodeck door opens revealing Mr Coffee Machine. DARK HELMET takes a cup and sips.

DARK HELMET

Ah, not too hot this time and it's my favorite. SCHWARTZ-BLEND.

SKROOB

(Holds up a SHWARTZ-BLEND bag of coffee)

Yes Goldilocks, it is. We marketed that shit everywhere.

DARK HELMET

Ever thought about making a Mr Brewery and developing an imperial Schwartzbier?

SKROOB

Ooh I like that McKenzie! We could be stinking rich.

DARK HELMET

Or stinking drunk.

SKROOB

Just maybe! Ah, Let'see what's behind door number 2 shall we?

SNOTTY, pop open the next hootch...I mean hatch.

SNOTTY

(Over intercom) Yes sir, but do you want to try door number 3?

SKROOB

Oy vey! I'm the president. I can't make decisions. (Bites back of hand nervously) HELMET, I don't know what to do?

DARK HELMET

Statistically you should change your pick. They always offer you a dud so you don't get the car.

SKROOB

That's it then I change my pick. SNOTTY, give me what's behind door number 3 instead!

SNOTTY

(Still off camera) Yes sir!

SKROOB and DARK HELMET cross their fingers waiting for door to open.

Holodeck door sticks halfway. SKROOB gives it a whack. It opens to reveal a goat from the ships petting zoo.

MICHAEL WINSLOW makes deflating trumpet noises.

SKROOB

Ah screw it. The last door is probably jammed anyway.

SKROOB and DARK HELMET walk through a curtain off to the side instead, revealing the Spaceballs crew all wearing their own Spaceballs: the Facemask.

SUPER: THE ASSHOLES:

INT - CENTRAL CONTROL - NIGHT

SKROOB and DARK HELMET walk through the door.

SKROOB

Well hello Assholes! We're back!! Did you miss us?

SANDERZ

Sir, I hate to beat to the point but there's a mysterious blip on our screen and it's two heel clicks away from us right near the moon of Vega (camera pans down to show SANDURZ wearing ruby red high heel slippers)

SKROOB

Why is it mysterious, we need to know what that blip is!

SANDERZ

Sir, we've already found out. It's called Mother Trucker and it's halling air!

SKROOB

Do you you think we can catch her?

SANDERZ

I'm not sure Sir, but it's been confirmed that she's carrying a shit load of air!

SKROOB

If we can't catch her then we need to blast her down and take all her precious air for ourselves!

DARK HELMET

Wait, maybe let's look in on her point of view so we can get some new character building and maybe even backstory.

SKROOB

Yes that's it. That how we'll figure out who she is and where she is going?

DARK HELMET

We can set a trap and steal her air.

SUPER: A NEW CONTINUE BEGINS

EXT - MOTHER TRUCKER - SPACE

[MOTHER TRUCKER is a Big Rig with a tanker of PERRI-AIR. It is colored in red and blue flames like OPTIMUS PRIME from the MICHAEL BAY movies. It's front grill has a CYLON look to it like Battlestar Galactica, complete with laser. It also has the jets from the U.S.S ENTERPRISE attached to the fuel tank of air to help it fly. Her bumper has a bumper sticker that reads "Make SPACEBALLS Great again!" It also has an eighties retro feel inside the cabin with a Grim Reaper gear shift and LED lights for the actual gears of the dashboard.]

CAMERA PANS CLOSE UP TO SIDE WINDOW. AUDIENCE IS TAKEN INSIDE.

HUEY LEWIS's "Power of Love" is playing softly in the background.

[Andy]

"SPACEBALLS 3: the Search for Spaceballs 2"


WRITTEN by: Jorge J. Abrerry


BASED ON CHARACTERS CREATED BY: MEL BROOKS


ROUGH DRAFT JULY 2021 REVISED REMAKED AND REMADE EDITION:


FADE IN:

Once upon a time and sometime past quarantine, there was a story that needed to be told.

Let's be real, after all the latest Hollywood sci-fi reboots, sequels, and whatnot...there was just so much spoof that needed to be spoofed.

Fans wanted it but writers had no idea how to write it.

So one day some guy sitting in his garage had a really bright idea that maybe he could just write it and let the professionals make it a little bit spoofier!

Anyways the spoof had finally been summoned forth and a script had finally been written.

FADE IN:

Also, if you read all of this then we couldn't find an emoji that says you can take off your 3D glasses now...

FADE OUT:

CUT TO BLACK.

SUPER: THE PLOT

A dark cloaked figure stands in frame with it's back towards camera. Light illuminates from in front of the figure.

[SOUNDS OF A STAR SHIP SPEEDING BY, SHOOTING, THEN CRASHING][TRUMPET SONG PLAYS]

Camera zooms in on the cloaked figure's face. It's MICHAEL WINSLOW dressed in Jedi garb.

[MICHAEL'S VOICE SOUNDING LIKE IT'S COMING FROM INSIDE THE VIDEO GAME HE'S PLAYING] GREETINGS, STARFIGHTER. YOU HAVE BEEN RECRUITED BY THE STAR LEAGUE TO DEFEND THE FRONTIER AGAINST..

MICHAEL gets interrupted. It's MEL BROOKS.

MEL BROOKS

MICHAEL, those aren't the bleeps, the sweeps, or the creeps we were looking for.

MICHAEL WINSLOW

Sorry sir, how about this take.

Starts mimicking HUEY LEWIS's "Back in Time"

MEL BROOKS

Woah... We're in search of more money. Do you know how much we stand to lose in royalties if you do that song?

MICHAEL WINSLOW makes the sound of a lightsaber shutting off and then also Pacman dying.

MEL BROOKS

You're very special kid. We're going to find that place you belong to.

RICK MORANIS walks in plain clothed.

RICK MORANIS

Are we going to just make this up on the fly or is there any actual plot to this movie?

MEL BROOKS

(Winks at camera) Sound familiar? That's Hollywood these days.

MICHAEL WINSLOW walks off revealing that he had been playing SPACEBALLS: the video game. A pixelated SPACEBALLS-1 is floating across the screen.

RICK and MEL look at each other then look at the game.

RICK MORANIS

Where's he going?

MEL BROOKS

I dunno but I'm going to have the new high score and become the chosen one.

RICK MORANIS

Lemme have a crack at it, I know a cheat code.

RICK takes over and enters the following code while sounding it out loud.

RICK MORANIS

Down, Up, Left, Left, A, Right, Down.

MEL BROOKS

You just entered DULLARD.

RICK MORANIS

I know, it's an old code that unlocks a bunch of stuff. Just thought I could bi-pass the censorship.

MEL BROOKS

No need for that. I know you retired from acting but nowadays we go ahead and include that into home media release.


RICK MORANIS

I get it. More bang for the buck. Emphasis on bucks!


MEL BROOKS

It's a movie Rick What else did you expect!?

There's more. We then release the 6 hour director's fudge it version as another release later on down the line.

RICK MORANIS

Ok sweet I guess we'll milk this movie for all it's worth then.

MEL BROOKS

I really want to take it even farther and go out into "other future projects." (Winks with fingers during quotations)


MICHAEL WINSLOW walks back into frame dressed as a Borg from Star Trek.

MICHAEL WINSLOW

Come with me if you want to live... In the SPACEBALLS shared universe.

RICK and MEL look at each other again then shrug.

RICK MORANIS

I can't believe I came back into acting for this.

MEL BROOKS

I can't believe I'm directing this. I guess this is the way to tell a story nowadays. C'MON let's go find us a movie.

MICHAEL WINSLOW makes dissolution noises/time travel warp noises and the screen fades while all characters walk off.

INT CARNIVAL TRAILER - EVENING -STORMY WEATHER

DARK HELMET and PRESIDENT SKROOB are looking through a smoke filled crystal ball.

SKROOB

Alot's went on since we previously spoofed together. Lonestar never went on legally to marry Princess Vespa.

DARK HELMET

Wait, when didn't that happen?

Crystal ball flashes animated SPACEBALLS-1 still going across the screen.

SKROOB

In my shitty attempt at an animated series which by the way, you wouldn't even star in. I should've upped the censors on that one!

DARK HELMET

Well, This is just your shitty attempt at referencing Wizard of Oz. So why didn't they get married?

SKROOB

Technically Lonestar is a son of a King, making him a Prince but his King father is actually from the future, so it basically cancels out!

DARK HELMET

Well that doesn't make sense, how is his father from the future?

SKROOB

Something about red matter. It hardly makes sense. But also because we travel in time and mess up the past to work for our future.

DARK HELMET

And so how do we do that?

SKROOB

Ever been interested in going through time or go as far as enter a contract to allow Me to scan your head and use your voice recording for "future projects?"

SKROOB winks and gestures quotation marks around "future projects"

DARK HELMET

Will I still get paid?

SKROOB

Of course! If not your kids will. So ever heard of the Quantum Schwartz Realm or do you understand Quantum Schwartz Physics?

DARK HELMET

Then yes and yes but can we please just use a Time Machine? And tell me I'm not going to end up naked in this movie!

SKROOB

Maybe in an unrated edit. For now we suit up and Honey, I think it's time we shrink ourselves

DARK HELMET

Not again! Can't we use simple movie magic already. I heard CGI has come along way!?

Both use SCHWARTZ rings and don new white, black, and red suits with facemasks. Both shrink then dematerialize and enter on through the Quantum Schwartz Realm.

DARK HELMET

(Lifts facemask)

Wait this is just way too convoluted. I'm surprised there's no Schwartz Gauntlet.

SKROOB

Don't rule that out just yet. We've got a lot of spoofing to do.

DARK HELMET

So does that mean..?

SKROOB

We can always do a bunch of spin-offs for the SPACEBALLS PRIME PLUS NETWORK!

DARK HELMET

We're not doing SCHWARTZ End-game!

SKROOB

No! No! That would be SCHWARTZMAGEDDON!

DARK HELMET

Please tell me this is just going to be epic and we don't end up on the PLANET OF THE APES again!

SKROOB

At least we didn't land BENEATH THE PLANET OF THE APES?


DARK HELMET

How did we even escape there?


SKROOB

Who knows? How does time even work there? We'll tie up that loose end even if we have to retcon it later!


DARK HELMET

Can't we just loom around and plot to steal more air.

SKROOB

More air than ever before!

DARK HELMET

Well wouldn't that

keep the plot simple?! Who'duthunkit!!

SKROOB

That's it then, we're off to steal more air. End simulation and beam us up SNOTTY!

Simulation ends revealing that SKROOB and DARK HELMET are in the holodeck of a new ship bombarding through space.

SUPER: THE HOLODORKS

SKROOB walks onto beaming pod. DARK HELMET looks at SKROOB suspiciously.

SKROOB

What?! It's safe.

DARK HELMET

I just don't want to end up with my head on backwards.

SKROOB

No no! You'll be just fine. Even if you show up with your head up your ass, we'll fix it with CGI in post and use it for the blooper reel later on.

DARK HELMET

Well if you say so, what the hell. I'll take a shot at it.

DARK HELMET steps into beaming pod.

DARK HELMET

Wait, can't we just walk through the door

SKROOB

Oh yeah I guess we can, we should just do that!


(Talks through wristwatch) SNOTTY, 86 that beaming up. Open the holodeck doors instead.

Holodeck door opens revealing Mr Coffee Machine. DARK HELMET takes a cup and sips.

DARK HELMET

Ah, not too hot this time and it's my favorite. SCHWARTZ-BLEND.

SKROOB

Yes Goldilocks, it is. We marketed that shit everywhere.

DARK HELMET

Ever thought about making a MR BREWERY and developing an IMPERIAL SCHWARTZBIER?

SKROOB

Ooh I like that McKenzie! We could be stinking rich.

DARK HELMET

Or stinking drunk.

SKROOB

Just maybe! Ah, Let'see what's behind door number 2 shall we?


SNOTTY, pop open the next hootch...I mean hatch.

SNOTTY

(Over intercom) Yes sir, but do you want to try door number 3?

SKROOB

Oy vey! I'm the president. I can't make decisions. (Bites back of hand nervously) HELMET, I don't know what to do?

DARK HELMET

Statistically you should change your pick. They always offer you a dud so you don't get the car.

SKROOB

That's it then I change my pick. SNOTTY, give me what's behind door number 3 instead!

SNOTTY

(Still off camera) Yes sir!

SKROOB and DARK HELMET cross their fingers waiting for door to open.

Holodeck door sticks halfway. SKROOB gives it a whack. It opens to reveal a goat from the ships petting zoo.

MICHAEL WINSLOW makes deflating trumpet noises.

SKROOB

Ah screw it. The last door is probably jammed anyway.

SKROOB and DARK HELMET walk through a curtain off to the side instead, camera reveals the Spaceballs crew all wearing their own Spaceballs: the Facemask.

SUPER: THE ASSHOLES

SkROOB and DARK HELMET walk through the door.

SKROOB

Well hello Assholes! We're back!! Did you miss us?

COL. SANDERZ walks up to them and salutes.

SANDERZ

Sir, I hate to beat to the point but there's a mysterious blip on our screen and it's two heel clicks away from us right near THE MOON OF VEGA!

Camera pans down to show SANDURZ wearing ruby red high heel slippers.

SKROOB

Why is it mysterious, we need to know what that blip is!

SKROOB, SANDERZ, & DARK HELMET all look at the monitor on a giant computer screen.

SKROOB

This is the future, why don't I have wireless already?!

SANDERZ uses a laptop with WiFi to hook up with the LCD layered window screens in the nose of the ship.

SANDURZ

Click here sir!

SKROOB trying to navigate a map and gets frustrated!

SKROOB

Click here! Click there! You already clicked your heels.

DARK HELMET interrupts.

DARK HELMET

Wait, by now aren't there holograms? Can't we see the scope of the planets and make it all seem grander!

SANDURZ pulls out his cell phone, the iMoron and projects a holographic overview of their own ship.

SANDURZ

We'll use this telecommunications device and make it an event of great grandeur!

SANDURZ dials in towards the MOON OF VEGA

Camara pans in more revealing a type of gas station. Fueling up is MOTHER TRUCKER, a Big Rig with a tanker of PERRI-AIR. It is colored in red and blue flames like OPTIMUS PRIME from the MICHAEL BAY movies. It's front grill has a CYLON look to it like Battlestar Galactica, or maybe even Kitt from Knight Rider. It also has the jets from the U.S.S ENTERPRISE attached to the fuel tank of air to help it fly. Her bumper has a bumper sticker that reads "Make SPACEBALLS Great again!"

SUDDENLY it speeds away leaving only a trail of flame!

SKROOB

Holy Hell! What in the jigawatts was that?

SANDURZ

Sir, I just spacechecked it and we've already found out it's called Mother Trucker,! She's halling air!

SKROOB

Do you you think we can catch her?

SANDURZ

I'm not sure Sir, but it's been confirmed that she's carrying a shit load of air!

SKROOB

If we can't catch her then we need to blast her down and take all her precious air for ourselves!

SKROOB, DARK HELMET, & COL SANDURZ try to find Mother Trucker again on Radar. SUDDENLY THEY GET CAUGHT IN A FREEZE RAY.

SUPER: A NEW CONTINUE BEGINS

The SPACEBALLS and their vessel are stuck in place, rendering it virtually helpless against the cutting beam of BENT HELMET & CAPTAIN FAUX PAS who are moving in with their ships, the BLEEP-ONES.

INT. STILL CENTRAL CONTROL - NIGHT

SKROOB

What is going on? I demand to know who is behind all of this!

SANDURZ

BENT HELMET AND CAPTAIN FAUX PAS with their ships, the bleep ones.


They're cutting through our ship after they stopped us in a freeze ray.

SKROOB

Thank you! Shoulda' called you Captain Obvious instead.


Why did they stop us and what do they want?

A small cloaked figure wearing DARK HELMET'S bent helmet from the LUDICROUS SPEED accident walks into view flanked by a silver helmeted security guard.

He stares down DARK HELMET and likewise the same.

DARK HELMET

Hold the **** on, is this a clone of me?


Where'd he get that helmet? I thought we'd never speak of this!

BENT HELMET pulls out LONESTAR's ring but it produces a red SCHWARTZ hand and challenges DARK HELMET. BENT HELMET goes for an eye gouge on DARK HELMET but it's blocked, then they trade through the rest of some of the three stooges signature moves using their SCHWARTZ powers. BENT HELMET finally suckers DARK HELMET by telling him to "look there," then uses a SCHWARTZ foot to kick him in the rear sending DARK HELMET flying into an unfinished green screen room, complete with padding and other green screen performers!

BENT HELMET

"Silly SPACEBALLS, I'm BENT HELMET, formally known as LORD KINDA MEH and now I am awesome, as you can see!


SKROOB

What's a meh!? Are you attached somehow to the KNIGHTS OF MEH?!

BENT HELMET

Silence, you aren't even worthy for this movie.

SKROOB

You don't want to have a real SCHWARTZ smackdown if I have to step in the ring!

SKROOB motions for his stunt double who is already rigged on wires and aligned with a motion sensor suit.

BENT HELMET uses the SCHWARTZ to move the camera back pointing at SKROOB

BENT HELMET

You Moron. You do not want to get in my way. That craft is more important than you would ever know..or at least until I tell you.

SKROOB

Craft scmhaft! I'm a Velveeta kinda guy myself.

BENT HELMET

You once again do not know the forces you are messing with. You think too small. We have been in search of pieces and have acquired what we have needed to start to build the most powerful and awesomest weapon in all of SCHWARTZ history.


SKROOB

Ooh little man with his big plans. That's still our air and we got dibs on stealing it first.

BENT HELMET

It isn't a Big Rig just for hauling air. Ever heard of the KOSMIK KISMET?


SKROOB

Sounds all powerful enough! I'm listening!

BENT HELMET

With such power we can use it to combine the original MEGAMAID & MOTHER TRUCKER with THE BLEEP ONES to form ULTRA KISMETICON.

SKROOB

What about Eagle 5, it has to somehow fit into all this?

BENT HELMET

We don't need it. Besides, by now it's a piece of crap and it can only help us transform into a crappy version of SUPER ULTRA KISMETICON!

SKROOB

But LONESTAR put it out of commission and you don't even know where MOTHER TRUCKER was going.

DARK HELMET

Ye fool of old school. The driver of the Rig is a princess. She is named Vay and she is the daughter of someone we've seen before. Think about where she's going.

SKROOB

This isn't going to end up where she ends up a shapeshifter is it?


BENT HELMET

It doesn't matter who she is, I will hunt her down until I get her Rig and steal its power for my own!

SKROOB

She's a Princess, don't you want to have action figures next to hers?

BENT HELMET

I only allow myself to seek MOTHER TRUCKER.

SKROOB

I still don't get what you get out of all of this!

BENT HELMET
I'm taking over this movie and
when I find the ultimate power, I will become THE KISMET KING & be THE MOST POWERFUL EVILIST EVIL GUY IN ALL OF EVILNESS, then I can marry anyone I want to!"

SKROOB

I suggest, Mother approved of course!

BENT HELMET

I'm done with you. I don't need you and I don't need you around screwing up anything more than you already have.

SKROOB

What are you going to do with us?

BENT HELMET

You, SANDERZ, & HELMET boy here are going to be locked away in the FANDOM ZONE. The APES were glad to let me use it for you!

[Andy]

MOTHER TRUCKER Concept

[Mechanizor]

It's been a looong while since I've watched the movie (IDK,probably over 17 years or so?), so I barely remember the jokes in order to give you a proper feedback, but that's some real dedication right there!... I read a few lines here and there and they're pretty hilarious!

The Mother Trucker concept alone is a classic! That itself should win you some awards! LOL

[Andy]

Thank you sir, your feedback means alot. It's my favoritest movie of all time and over time I have had many visoins of the sequel. Actual scenes in my dreams but the journey to get to an actual coherent script has been a fun way to improve my writing.

Here's a joke that I'm putting in later that will remind you of one of the old gags from the original Spaceballs.

Ludicrous (the rapper) gets pulled over in a plaid Tesla for speeding

[Mechanizor]

Nice one... :-)

[Andy]

Spaceballs 2 part 1: the Search for More Money Awakens

[Andy]

Spaceballs: The Next Schwartz:

FADE IN:

EPILOGUE: AKA Spaceballs: Dude, Where's my Schwartz: Previously Spaceballs: Days of Future Retcon: Before that AKA Spaceballs Goes to to Manhattan: Also Previously known as Spaceballs 3: the Search for Spaceballs 2: BUT ALSO Previously known as Spaceballs 2: the Search for More Money.

Anyways, we didn't have anything clever to say here so we're just going to get you into where we're at in the story. The Spaceballs have began searching for more money and they got awfully lost along the way because...well they're Spaceballs.

So where were they lost you may ask. That's a good question. They might've just mucked up the space-time continuum and maybe even escaped some kind of Fandom Zone only to end up in some other universe that we can get rich off of.

We want that Oprah money! So you get a season 2! And you get a greenlight, Also most of our studio audience won't have to look under their chair to get a spin-off. Yessir, The Next Schwartz is our ticket to develop ourselves some money printing franchises. We hope you enjoy the world's we're building for you.
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But if you can still read this then it's already too late and we most likely already have your money... although we'll accept a little more moolah if you pay for additional footage available to download that we're just going to give away for free after the final credits.

[Andy]

https://starwarsintrocreator.kassell...yc0qZ_UYHWu1QC

https://starwarsintrocreator.kassell...zCUsA0TQhZuVAG

https://starwarsintrocreator.kassellabs.io/?gclid=CjwKCAjwhNWZBhB_EiwAPzlhNtG3lNBOB77GUUL203f1J_LZ5eDumtWfD8r6b0unDlUiTVET56JhZhoCLIQQAvD_BwE#!/DNDVbotxgwUaaDVRgbc2